The Phases of Marriage (and How God Meets Us in Each One)

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Marriage is beautiful, messy, stretching, and holy all at the same time. If you’ve been married for more than a minute, you know it isn’t always butterflies and candlelight dinners. Like seasons, marriage has phases each one with its own joys and challenges. The good news? God’s Word gives us wisdom to walk through every stage with love and grace. I’ve been married for over 10 years, and I can tell you it isn’t always easy. Each phase has shaped us in different ways, and looking back, I can see how God met us in each season.

Phase 1: The Honeymoon Season

In the beginning, everything feels perfect. Joy, passion, excitement, and those “can’t stop smiling at each other” moments fill your days. God delights in that joy: “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love” (Ecclesiastes 9:9, NIV). But as sweet as it is, this phase doesn’t last forever—because love was never meant to be built on feelings alone.

Phase 2: Reality and Adjustment

This is when the little quirks show up and responsibilities start to weigh in. For me, it looked like rolling his socks together before putting them in the wash. Small, funny things reveal just how different two people can be. This phase stretched our patience and reminded us of Paul’s words: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2, NIV).

Phase 3: Power Struggles and Conflict

For us, this hit hardest when we started raising children. We both had ideas of “the right way,” and naturally, those ideas didn’t always match. Of course we had talked about parenting in marriage counseling, but some things you can’t really know until you’re in the thick of it and we were. Those struggles were refining, and as hard as they were, they prepared us for the stability that came next.

“Love is patient, love is kind… it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:4–5, NIV). And God’s Word reminds us, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26, NIV).

Phase 4: Stability and Teamwork

Eventually, we found our rhythm. It wasn’t instant it took time, conversations, arguments, and a lot of grace but slowly we learned how to move as a team. This phase reminded us that marriage isn’t about perfection, but about partnership. “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10, NIV).

Phase 5: Deep Commitment and Growth

By year ten, we had settled into what matters most: God, spouse, kids, extended family in that order. There’s no negotiation on this. Keeping our priorities aligned has helped us stay grounded, reminded us that we are a team, and taught us that submitting to God is the first step to a thriving marriage.

The Bible reminds us that in marriage, two become one flesh. We take that seriously. While we love our children and extended family deeply, we know our primary covenant is with each other. Our children are passing through our care, and it’s our responsibility to give them an example of marriage worth building on.

“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3:14, NIV).

Phase 6: Legacy and Generations

Now we’re learning how to pour into our children, family, and friends when needed. This is the rediscovery phase where marriage matures into mentorship and legacy. “One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts” (Psalm 145:4, NIV). A marriage lived this way becomes a living testimony of God’s faithfulness.

Final Thought

Marriage isn’t just about happiness it’s about holiness. Each phase, even the hard ones, is shaping us to love more like Christ with compassion, forgiveness, and grace. No matter where you are in the journey, remember this: love is a choice, and with God at the center, it can endure every season.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 (NIV)

With love and gratitude, always

Kevi